Life Lesson #1
If your daughter is going to have her first bout of projectile vomiting, it will occur on the evening when she has decided she is really hungry, and eats half a salmon fillet, a large quantity of broccoli and a significant serving of pasta side dish. She will also not stop until every sheet for her bed, and nearly every pair of pajamas and towels are sullied. If you are fortunate you will have already purchased multiple backup lovey bunnies, as she will successfully hit four over the course of the night.
Life Lesson #2
If, over the course of two days, you've been vomited on, pooped on, kicked in the face (while trying to sleep) and held your daughter pretty much constantly, you will inevitably fall ill with something. Something like an incurable migraine, nausea and vomiting. This will also occur on the night your husband has to work late, and your daughter will not go to sleep and screams consistently for many hours well into the night (if you are lucky though, your in-laws will have arrived to attend to your child.) You will also need to time your bathroom requirements carefully, with four adults in a house with one bathroom.
Life Lesson #3
If, well into the night, you eventually decide that you are going to need medical intervention and head to the ER and your attending nurse sees your catch basin and says "I'm going to take this, or I'm going to throw up" with disdain and contempt in her voice, you are likely not going to have a quality care experience. When the same nurse asks you to "speak up, speak up, I can't hear you" when asking you to spell Imitrex, the evening is going to go downhill rapidly. When that same nurse is about to start your IV, and you put your catch basin on your lap as a precautionary measure, she says "Are you going to throw up when I do this? Because if you are, can you do it now before I get started", you may want to be glad that you don't have enough strength to wallop her, and congratulate yourself anyway on your self-restraint. And when that same nurse leaves for her break without passing your chart on to a doctor on call or another nurse to get your IV meds started, leaving you in your own personal hell - well, you'd better just hunker down and hope for the best.
Life Lesson #4
If, after pumping you with several different types of powerful anti-migraine and nausea drugs, the same nurse from Life Lesson #3 asks if your headache is gone, and you say yes, you may want to suggest that you take another half hour to an hour to simply rest. Otherwise, said nurse may come back and remove your IV immediately and send you packing. You may just end up staggering down the hallway, which might toss like the decks of a sailboat in a 55 knots storm, smash into a sliding glass door and ultimately end up passing out cold in the closest bathroom, whacking your forehead on the way down.
Life Lesson #5
If your husband also falls ill, it doesn't matter how sick you are, the husband is always more ill.
Life Lesson #6
Just as everyone starts to feel better, your child will immediately start to cut her next set of teeth, learn how to climb, and consequently how to pitch an enormous tantrum when denied her way.
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Good news: all the illnesses seem to have passed. The teething seems to have settled down. I think (tentatively) that we're in the clear. For now. However, I am now left with detoxing Peanut off the lifeline of Sesame Street that has filled her last five days. She is clearly exhibiting withdrawal symptoms, turning eagerly towards the television like a junkie and squawking for the remote. Yeesh.
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Somewhere in the last few weeks of ups and downs, I've been terrible blog citizen. Not much visiting (500+ items in reader, yikes!), not a lot of commenting, and a complete lack of acknowledgment of some lovely awards given to me.
First, the always lovely and eloquent Slouching Mom thinks my blogging is hitting the mark (now if only someone could give me a hint as to the target!)
I'd like to pass this along to nomotherearth, for her beautiful writing about the fears and realities and joys of having her second little boy.
Also, the terrific Nap Warden, she of the mad Photoshop skills, has given me this fantastic bit of bling.