Friday, December 7, 2007

Falling like dominoes

Here I am - I've been away for the last week as we all fell like dominoes around these parts. The sickness came and it hit us hard. However, I did learn several valuable life lessons:

Life Lesson #1
If your daughter is going to have her first bout of projectile vomiting, it will occur on the evening when she has decided she is really hungry, and eats half a salmon fillet, a large quantity of broccoli and a significant serving of pasta side dish. She will also not stop until every sheet for her bed, and nearly every pair of pajamas and towels are sullied. If you are fortunate you will have already purchased multiple backup lovey bunnies, as she will successfully hit four over the course of the night.

Life Lesson #2
If, over the course of two days, you've been vomited on, pooped on, kicked in the face (while trying to sleep) and held your daughter pretty much constantly, you will inevitably fall ill with something. Something like an incurable migraine, nausea and vomiting. This will also occur on the night your husband has to work late, and your daughter will not go to sleep and screams consistently for many hours well into the night (if you are lucky though, your in-laws will have arrived to attend to your child.) You will also need to time your bathroom requirements carefully, with four adults in a house with one bathroom.

Life Lesson #3
If, well into the night, you eventually decide that you are going to need medical intervention and head to the ER and your attending nurse sees your catch basin and says "I'm going to take this, or I'm going to throw up" with disdain and contempt in her voice, you are likely not going to have a quality care experience. When the same nurse asks you to "speak up, speak up, I can't hear you" when asking you to spell Imitrex, the evening is going to go downhill rapidly. When that same nurse is about to start your IV, and you put your catch basin on your lap as a precautionary measure, she says "Are you going to throw up when I do this? Because if you are, can you do it now before I get started", you may want to be glad that you don't have enough strength to wallop her, and congratulate yourself anyway on your self-restraint. And when that same nurse leaves for her break without passing your chart on to a doctor on call or another nurse to get your IV meds started, leaving you in your own personal hell - well, you'd better just hunker down and hope for the best.

Life Lesson #4
If, after pumping you with several different types of powerful anti-migraine and nausea drugs, the same nurse from Life Lesson #3 asks if your headache is gone, and you say yes, you may want to suggest that you take another half hour to an hour to simply rest. Otherwise, said nurse may come back and remove your IV immediately and send you packing. You may just end up staggering down the hallway, which might toss like the decks of a sailboat in a 55 knots storm, smash into a sliding glass door and ultimately end up passing out cold in the closest bathroom, whacking your forehead on the way down.

Life Lesson #5
If your husband also falls ill, it doesn't matter how sick you are, the husband is always more ill.

Life Lesson #6
Just as everyone starts to feel better, your child will immediately start to cut her next set of teeth, learn how to climb, and consequently how to pitch an enormous tantrum when denied her way.

* * *

Good news: all the illnesses seem to have passed. The teething seems to have settled down. I think (tentatively) that we're in the clear. For now. However, I am now left with detoxing Peanut off the lifeline of Sesame Street that has filled her last five days. She is clearly exhibiting withdrawal symptoms, turning eagerly towards the television like a junkie and squawking for the remote. Yeesh.

* * *

Somewhere in the last few weeks of ups and downs, I've been terrible blog citizen. Not much visiting (500+ items in reader, yikes!), not a lot of commenting, and a complete lack of acknowledgment of some lovely awards given to me.

First, the always lovely and eloquent Slouching Mom thinks my blogging is hitting the mark (now if only someone could give me a hint as to the target!)

I'd like to pass this along to nomotherearth, for her beautiful writing about the fears and realities and joys of having her second little boy.

Also, the terrific Nap Warden, she of the mad Photoshop skills, has given me this fantastic bit of bling.

Thank you ladies!


flutter said...

um what nurse can't spell imitrex?

sheeeeesh. Glad you're feeling better

nomotherearth said...

Wow, thanks! That's my ver first award. You certainly deserve your accolades.

Glad to hear you're feeling better. Life Lesson #5 is the truest of them all...

Suzanne said...

What an ordeal! I'm sorry you had to go through all that. And yes, number 5 is so so true.

Glad you're all better now!

bubandpie said...

Wow, that nurse was scary. Worth writing a letter to management type scary.

Ms. Porter said...

oh my gosh, you have been to hell and back...i think you've had your share of illness for the rest of the season, take some time off!

slouching mom said...

what a horrendous week you've had. i'm so sorry.

Aliki2006 said...

How awful--how simply awful. I'm so sorry you were so ill, and had such an incompetent and terrible nurse.

I'm glad you're better...

jen said...

oh honey. ouch. i hate puking children, it's the worst. and a sick mommy.

oh, you.

cinnamon gurl said...

Wow, that was hellish to read - I can't imagine how awful it must have been to experience it! And that nurse... I'd write to the hospital, that's some seriously bad treatment!

Glad you're all recovered... except for the flashbacks.

Mac and Cheese said...

OMG, what is the deal with the medical practitioners that you seem to encounter???

What a sucky time for you. I hope things settle down soon.

Don Mills Diva said...

I'm so sorry - we've been sick around here the last week or so as well but you seem to have really had a horrible time. So so sorry. Glad you're feelingbetter.

kittenpie said...

oh my god. BB, that is one hell of an ordeal. I'm glad to hear things are on the upswing at last! No one can blame you for ignoring the blog through that. (Heck, I have NO excuse for last week...)

And I already knew about spouses being sicker...

Julie Pippert said...

I think we can all agree that () those are Absolute Truths and (b) it stinks you had to go through all that!

Glad you are all better now!

Using My Words

Emily said...

These are truths I have not had to learn personally. Would you mind if I just take your word for it?

Lisa b said...

what the Frickin bitchy nurse?
holy hell lady
that is quite a week.

My kid is not in withdrawl because I am just going to continue to let the good times roll TV wise.

painted maypole said...

oh. wow. yuck. so sorry.

you really should write a letter to that ER and tell them of your awful nurse

JCK said...

I'm so sorry. This is beyond the pale, especially the nurse. And yet you made me laugh. Congrats on the awards. Well deserved.

I can relate to vomitus. My little boy upchucked on my bare feet in the kitchen one morning. I will always remember that lovely feeling...

caramama said...

So sorry for your tough week and that awful nurse! Glad you all are starting to feel better.

Congrats about the awards.

Oh, The Joys said...

I hope everyone is feeling better soon.


Sober Briquette said...

whoa, that's a horror show. sorry you had to go through that.

Magpie said...

#5 is always always true.

Sorry about your ordeal - glad you're better.

mamatulip said...

Please tell me this didn't happen to you. I cringed the entire time I read this...and seriously, I want to punch that nurse in the face. I don't know how you didn't.

So glad you're all feeling better.


BLITHELY BABBLING © 2008. Chaotic Soul :: Converted by Randomness